Intimate Relationships
Most of us seek someone special to share our lives with, and perhaps have a family; one to trust our hearts and safety to and to be with us in joys and sorrows along life’s journey. When a trauma, such as addiction, has affected either one or both of you in some way, the ability to trust and enjoy an intimate relationship is often impacted and results in one or both partners acting out in unhealthy relationship patterns.
See where you each are in the relationship now. Then each of you ask yourself what it is you need to feel loved, and what does your partner need? Learning to be aware, to ask, to compromise is the beginning of having or repairing a wonderful intimate relationship between two people. If the inventory of your relationship leans toward unhealthy, consider counseling; I may be able to help you, as I have many others, build a more rewarding relationship and life.
Relationships-Unhealthy and Healthy Styles
Comparison of Some Characteristic Behaviors
Defensive with each other__________________Curious about each other
Reactive interactions______________________Proactive interactions
Mutual secrecy___________________________Mutual disclosure
Assumptions predominate_________________Clarifying perceptions predominate
Fixed and rigid roles______________________Flexible roles
Commitment phobic______________________Commitment focused
Blaming the other________________________Self focused, owning your part
Aggressive (demanding)__________________Assertive (polite)
Boundaries are blurred or rigid_____________Boundaries are clear and flexible
Wants focused___________________________Needs focused
Unrealistic expectations___________________Reality predomintes
Avoid change____________________________Risk Change
Invested in being “right”___________________Invested in the relationship
Neglect relationship needs_________________Prioritize relationship needs
“You” statements predominate______________”I” statements predominate
Discount other’s feelings and opinions________Respect other’s feelings and opinions
Inequity_________________________________Equity
Shame bound____________________________Self-worth bound
Gender stereotypes_______________________Gender awareness
Sexual frustrations predominate_____________Sexual healing predominates