Intimate Relationships

    Most of us seek someone special to share our lives with, and perhaps have a family; one to   trust our hearts and safety to and to be with us in joys and sorrows along life’s journey.  When a trauma, such as addiction, has affected either one or both of you in some way, the ability to trust and enjoy an intimate relationship is often impacted and results in one or both partners acting out in unhealthy relationship patterns.         

      See where you each are in the relationship now.  Then each of you ask yourself what it is you need to feel loved, and what does your partner need? Learning to be aware, to ask, to compromise is the beginning of having or repairing a wonderful intimate relationship between two people.  If the inventory of your relationship leans toward unhealthy, consider counseling; I may be able to help you, as I have many others,  build a more rewarding relationship and life.

                   Relationships-Unhealthy and Healthy Styles 

                       Comparison of Some Characteristic Behaviors

Survival and crisis lifestyle__________________Balanced lifestyle    

Defensive with each other__________________Curious about each other

Reactive interactions______________________Proactive interactions

Mutual secrecy___________________________Mutual disclosure

Assumptions predominate_________________Clarifying perceptions predominate

Fixed and rigid roles______________________Flexible roles

Commitment phobic______________________Commitment focused

Blaming the other________________________Self focused, owning your part

Aggressive  (demanding)__________________Assertive (polite)

Boundaries are blurred or rigid_____________Boundaries are clear and flexible

Wants focused___________________________Needs focused

Unrealistic expectations___________________Reality predomintes

Avoid change____________________________Risk Change

Invested in being “right”___________________Invested in the relationship

Neglect relationship needs_________________Prioritize relationship needs

“You” statements predominate______________”I” statements predominate

Discount other’s feelings and opinions________Respect other’s feelings and opinions


Shame bound____________________________Self-worth bound

Gender stereotypes_______________________Gender awareness

Sexual frustrations predominate_____________Sexual healing predominates